Take My Eyeballs Out - Sat Oct 12, 1994

The only spot online where 1994 smiles right back at you, ! Haha :-)

Here’s the TLDR for today’s mania:

So, I pretty much assume all of my fans are male. Mostly because the content I edit is pretty suited for bottom dwellers and horny middle class tech saavy bozos in their 40s. We’re talkin the kids who learned to play Nirvana and busted their first nut to a jpeg of Christina Applegate that took about 40 minutes to load. Some of us didn’t make it the whole 40 minutes, did we? Some of us didn’t even make it in the door of that slick Married With Children house. Something tells me that you had the same issue with your colon too, darling

Christina Applegate from Married with Children, a show about families.

I made sure to use a good quality photo and it definitely shows here.

I once loaded a 1994 jpeg of Al Bundy,and Christina Applegate’s hand was in the photo. I had to find an old school 90’ fish aquarium, drink the water, swallow the gold fish and fill that puppy up with that early 90s cum that clogged up your modem. I feel like you’re reading this in your RV in the woods thinking

“Living off the grid is what I do and I love this blog post because I had to cum this way with the fish and Bundy combo. Plus… you didn’t close the quotation marks yet, right? Ok good… Plus, this blog is literally the only thing that I’ve 100% connected with besides the Stereo MCs album. I saw Gladiator in theaters with Jodie Sweetin and it was good, but this is Garfunkel workbeast art with a Simon execution. Bravo to the team over at 90s.Zone because this blog is down-to-Earth, easy to navigate, and the novelty of the classic design would never wear off because it’s charming in a way that I get because I’m more detached and stoic than Daytrade Danny or Leisure Suit Lawrence. Alright, well I guess that’s it because I’m not sure what’s going on structurally with this blog, or if I’m in character as a quote or … BRB gotta shit.”

P.S. I want to get baptised at a rave by Dave Matthews or Shaq.

shaq is as badass as mortal kombat or ace ventura.

Wait! I didn’t mean to start this post and get right into cum and stuff. Nobody likes reading the word ‘cum’ in print, especially when the person writing isn’t an object of your desire. Now I’d be happy to take my shirt off and slather some Miracle Whip on my whirly birds, but something tells me you’re here to talk Lasik Surgery and Jazz Legend Herbie Hancock at the golden age of the internet.

I found this random video on the internet, check it out:

People are so weird online, don’t you think? I’m glad we keep things pretty chill, reader.

I hope I never have to let Herbie Hancock take my eyeballs out.

Tomorrow is 10/13/1994. Halloween is pretty friggin cool, my man, and the only thing almost as cool as 10/31…. Why, it’s 10/13!!!! Cool stuff happens on the 13th. Stay tuned and please, please, please, do not go anywhere near this era/dimension of Herbie Hancock because he will permanently slow your entire world down AND remove your eyeballs.

You’re better off staying at home and enjoying a home-spun orgasm with the hands you’ve had since you first grew those beautiful eyeballs in your skull. So go ahead and create a messy scenario where pleasure takes the reigns. Soon, I’ll be in charge of the pleasure and I’m not sure we’ve even met, friend.

Big up Gargamel Winslow, Paynus Kendel, The Dinner Queen and the Towering Secoias that sway with melancholy indifference. New Provocative Perspectives S01E02 - New Gargamel Winslow PPTV Audio Adventure (like a podcast except this one is not for R-words).

Here’s a Gargamel Winslow joke so you understand his humor. He performs in episode 2 and he’s a real weasel if you’re not ready for it. Gargamel Winslow Standup Clip

I love you and I only used that last word because Deckard Cain said I wasn’t a real Barbarian :(

Stay a while and glisten.

(if none of this makes sense then we may need to get you baptised, buddy)

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